Tag: summer

I’m Fine

It’s been a while since my last post. I’ve been regrouping myself and trying to get back into the groove of things even with a lot of setbacks. But here I am. I’ve been forging ahead and trying to wake up remembering that (1) you only have one life, so don’t sweat the little things, (2) the important things in life are your family and friends, and (3) do what will make you happy.

Sometimes, when you’re going about your day in the midst of something that is overwhelming (like your job, maybe it’s studying, moving, helping a family or friend in need), you forget what you wake up thinking about: “I’m going to have a good day. Keep things in perspective. Etc.” Well, today is one of those days. I woke up having a go-getter mindset. Then I began to get slowly overwhelmed over the day: sluggish, annoyed, and defeated. Nothing really terrible happened. I was just beginning to get frustrated with what I was doing in the moment despite my best efforts; I wasn’t happy with where I was going.

All of a sudden, I just felt stuck in life.

I thought my mindset would change when I got home—change of scenery, a place I was comfortable with. But no, I was even more frustrated. Then I came across a blog entry from a southern blogger who talked about why we go to the default saying, “I’m fine” whenever we’re asked how we’re doing. I’ve seen so many articles on this topic, and each one has felt the same. They’ve all combed through so much on this particular topic that I felt there was nothing more for anyone to talk about, really. But her perspective was interesting: the reason she would say, “I’m fine” was (1) because it was a southern way of life and (2) because, in part, social media and, in some ways, women, are a part of this. (By that, she means, we say we are fine in real life and on social media, because if we say otherwise once or more than once, we get the, “It’s okay. We all have those days,” response and then behind our backs, they say something else.) The blogger goes on to discuss that she’s tired of hearing, “I’m fine,” and that if she were really friends with someone, that someone should lay it all out there honestly because she would want someone to listen to her if she were to have a bad day as well.

Firstly, I don’t think it’s just a southern thing. (Now this is just my opinion.) I think it pertains to anywhere we live. I can’t speak because I haven’t lived all over the country or all over the world. But from where I grew up, to states I’ve visited, as well as other countries, it’s all been the same response. Furthermore, I could say that’s how I feel the culture is in San Diego, as well. I don’t know—I could be wrong. Perhaps being in the law field, I feel that you have to be professional and not let emotions get the best of you to your partner, firm, company, clients, anyone. Maybe other professions in San Diego are laid back and you can just talk about how you’re feeling with your co-workers. (Thoughts, anyone?)

Now as to her latter reason, in theory, that sounds great. I’ve always thought this growing up: that friends should be able to tell friends anything. But let’s be honest. She’s right about women being a part of the problem. I’ll also say what some are really afraid to say, and that I have been afraid to say for a while, as well. Some girls just don’t play like that. I have friends that I feel like I can tell anything to but then feel bad afterwards thinking they’re judging me for complaining, for having a bad day, for feeling crummy over something small (maybe once or maybe often). I’ve seen them talk about their other friends and say, “she complains too much,” “I just don’t have time for that, etc.” (I’ve been guilty of this before, too. Don’t worry. I make conscious efforts to stop doing things like this.) I’ve seen some of them gradually change not only in person but in social media; they don’t tell me about tiny things that bother them when they used to. I understand that we tend to do these things as we grow up, but the extent that some people put these walls up for the sake of “adulting,”– it really catches me off guard and a lot of me finds it unnecessary. Do you really need to do that with friends? Am I the only one that doesn’t mind when a close friend, no matter where they are in life or what circumstances they’re now in, just calls me up and says, “Hey, I want to talk. My life just sucks right now”? Shouldn’t we keep part of that aspect in our lives to stay a little sane and healthy? It’s a strange and sort of insane balance of being a friend, or so I’ve found. We like to appear to have it all together, we’re mature, we’re adults now.

Fortunately, I’m incredibly lucky to have a friend now, after basically my entire life, who I can call up or text any time, any day, and just complain to about anything and everything. I don’t feel bad about it afterwards. And I don’t feel like she’s judging me. (Sure, I say sorry for complaining, but she gets it.) And the relationship works vice versa. (I should also mention that my husband is this exact sort of friend, too, but a girl needs another girl sometimes!) That kind of friendship keeps me sane and feeling healthy. The point is in a man’s world where we women are still trying to fight our way to the top and earn our fair share that men earn, we should support each other at the most basic level — being mentally, emotionally, and physically– if possible,there. There are enough men to judge us when we’re feeling vulnerable, emotional, or even when we’re just going about our day feeling fine as a peach. Ideally, we shouldn’t have to figure out which girlfriend is on our side and will listen to us. Ideally.

But back to my having a downer day and reading that blog post: in a strange way, reading her blog and that particular topic made me feel better. I may not have agreed with her post 100% but I really appreciated her raw and honest perspective on the whole “I’m feeling fine, today” projection to others. It made me think that on days like today, it’s okay to feel down in the dumps. I always knew it was okay to feel that way. I just hate it. I hate acknowledging it. Who likes feeling down? It makes me lose productivity. But today, I’m not feeling fine, and that’s okay. Today, my friend is on the other side of the world in a different time zone, but she’d still listen no matter what the time zone. Today, my husband will tell me it’s okay to feel down because in my position, he has felt the same exact way. So it’s okay. Tomorrow will be another day. Tomorrow, maybe I’ll feel differently and genuinely say, “I’m fine.”

I’m back!

You guys! If you’re here, you’ve no doubt found this via my instagram or you just stumbled upon this post. I am so excited that you’re actually here and reading this and am so grateful that you would even be here. I have been working on this blog on and off since last summer, but it is finally coming to fruition! I’m still experimenting with the pictures I take, post, and how to incorporate them into my post so bear with me for the next several months. Did I mention how happy I am that you’re even reading this post? Well, I am. So thank you, again, and I hope you’ll engage yourselves in these posts with me and with each other because it won’t always be about fashion but rather every day thoughts and situations. (Also, in future posts, my pictures will be more scattered throughout posts rather than at the very end! Not to worry.)

Anyway, for a first post, I thought I’d give you a little teaser of this past weekend with Ryan. (Ryan is my husband for those readers who are new to me and my blog!) With the crazy rain San Diego has been having, the Anza-Borrego Desert now has flowers blooming like crazy! So, we decided our to explore the “super bloom” and have a fun little getaway just for us. Well, it was certainly fun and hilarious because here’s the story:

My car was 3/4 filled with gas before heading out, and I asked Ryan whether we should fill up on gas. I always like to assume the worst and be prepared for anything.

Ryan turned to me and shrugged, “It’s a city there, right? They’ll have gas there. The drive isn’t that long. We’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure? It’s a desert over there…”

“We’ll be fine. We can find one on the way up there if we need to.”

“Okay. You’re right. I think………….. Yea. You’re right. I trust you.”

“We’ll be fine,” he said. “We’ll be fine.” HA.

The entire drive up, there was not one gas place to be seen. As the gas began to drop and we were getting closer to the desert, Ryan and I giggled nervously because it was unbelievable that before we even got to the desert, we saw not one gas station. As we entered the dizzying and winding roads of the desert, Ryan and continued to look at each other and laugh. “We’ll push if we have to.”  It was not a joking matter, but we were in such good spirits because we were just happy to be spending time with each other that it didn’t matter. After we finally made it to the desert, I tried to look up gas on Ryan’s phone which did not have reception. Dun dun dun!

Luckily, my phone, which has Verizon — LIFESAVER– was able to locate a gas station 18 minutes further into the desert. “Gringos Gas Station” it said. “Thank the Lord! Where would you be without me?” I laughed at Ryan. “Dead.” To Gringos Gas Station we went. Upon arrival, what did we see? A whole lot of empty, abandoned cars lined up and the gas station completely abandoned. Now let me just tell you that where this gas station is, it exists just off a tiny roundabout. On the roundabout, there exists a Tiny Wells Fargo, a half abandoned mall, and one other restaurant. It’s called the Christmas Circle. It was NOT a Christmas Circle. Who named that?!

On our search for more gas, we had to go back around the roundabout, past the Wells Fargo and past the half abandoned mall to get to the one other gas station in existence. There were only two pumps available and the only gas available was premium and each person had to go into a liquor store to pay for the gas. Cars were piled up all the way out of the parking lot, cars were leaving because it took too long. Ryan and I just laughed hysterically because this little Christmas Circle roundabout town– or whatever you call it– was seriously something out of a book! People inside the liquor store were just swiping 5-6 bottles of water frantically left and right. Ryan likes to say it was madness like the apocalypse was coming.

Well after that little adventure, we were hungry for lunch, so naturally, we went to the half-abandoned mall whereupon we found one restaurant completely closed, people starving peering inside the windows, and inside, Costco-sized packs of water just packed to the ceiling. Just locked behind those sad doors. It was sad but too funny at the same time. (Good thing we had our hydroflasks.) I felt so nervous leaving my car in the parking lot with our water in sight, but Ryan and I ventured on just behind the mall and found a hidden restaurant luckily. Afterward, we finally had our highly anticipated hiking adventure and picture taking in the desert.

We had a lot of funny things happen on this trip, but this post would go on forever. All in all, it was so worth it, and I wish we had more time and that we could go back out there again… but we have planned some other fun adventures for the next upcoming weekends. So stay tuned! Until then, here are just a few of the many photos we took! I’ll make a separate post about my ouftit. I just figured since this is my first post, I’d make it juicy and fun for you all. Hope you all had a good chuckle like I did. Below are the details of my outfits.

Romper: on sale at Shop Tobi  Thigh highs: Want My Look

Jacket: No longer on sale, but still up on Tobi Shoes: from Missguided but are no longer available. You can find similar shoes there or on Public Desire.